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Monday, May 11, 2009

11 May Jokes

Joke: Sexual Rhyming Terms

- fooling around, naughtier than hanky panky

- a sudden noise that interrupts the act of sex, especially a doorbell, the sound of a spouse's car in the driveway or the shrill voice of an unexpected parent

- sudden realization that the condom has broken

- stimulation of a female's breasts to arouse sexual interest

- oral stimulation of the male's private parts

- doggie-style sexual intercourse

- oral sex given to a man by a female wearing braces on her teeth

- oral sex and sexual intercourse both

- the result of sexual stimulation of the female's private parts by the male's hands

- I think you can figure out this one all by yourself!

Don't Lie To Your Kids

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard".

Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".

Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

At The Anatomy Class

A woman enroled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm.
"Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids..."

The Rodeo Position

Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called rodeo. His friend says no, what is it?

Well you mount your wife from the back, reach around and cup her breasts with both hands.

Then say, "Boy, those are almost as nice as your sisters".

Then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds.

A Dairy Farmer

A farmer was out working in his fields when he had to pee really bad. He was quite a ways from the house so he just climbed off his tractor and peed in the clover.

As luck would have it, a bee decided it was lunch time and zapped him right on the end of his dingus. It really hurt terribly when he remembered that buttermilk was known to relieve bee stings. He dashed to the house, opened the fridge, poured a glass of buttermilk and started to soak his dingus.

What a relief!

Then he heard a gasp and saw that his 20-year-old daughter was in the doorway, looking wide-eyed at what he was doing! He turned to her and said, "Now don't tell me you've never seen one of these!"

She replied, "You're right, Daddy, I have. It's just that I've never seen one being reloaded!!"

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